Leading Alone
I have never experienced being led in a workplace by a person of color. Every leader I have ever reported to was a white person, and more often than not, a white woman. While this experience allowed both of us to gain exposure closely working with someone of a different background, I did not begin to realize the implications of our relationship until the call for social justice continued to receive prominent media attention due to the unjust killings of black people.
The weight of this issue carries heavily on my heart, and I often question whether I’m recycling through the five stages of grief with each death. While my energy level and typical demeanor tends to noticeably shift at work with the news of each death and verdict, not one of my bosses has ever asked “How are you?,” “Is there anything I can do to support you,” or “Would you like to head home for the rest of the day?” Not one of them.
In these scenarios, I questioned whether the leader cared about the issue or even knew about it. The feelings of isolation often came when I was the only person of color in the department. Not acknowledging the issue felt like I was being ignored, and all the workplace commentary on how much I was valued or respected at the organization felt like it was facetiously said.
Interestingly, I did not notice the breadth of this missed opportunity for support until I started leading teams with individuals who experienced the same grief I did with each killing. I noticed my employees needed to share that they were struggling to stay focused, that this interfered with their performance and mostly, that they were struggling with a loss and needed space to discuss it. It was during these conversations where I learned to listen and ask questions like what I can do to lighten their workload, how are they meeting their self-care goals of the month and offering unpenalized, reasonable time off.
Checking in with employees after traumatic social events should not be considered optional. Employees are talking about these topics and leaders need to be equipped with the tools to facilitate these conversations in safe, brave and structured ways. Leaders can check-in with employees in group or one-on-one meetings. I prefer to offer space in whole group settings and follow up with employees individually. Structuring debrief sessions in this way allows employees to see that they are not alone. It provides space for relationships to grow through a shared experience.
As a leader, I could not imagine ignoring traumatic social events that impact the lives of my employees. By ignoring moments like these, leaders miss out on leveraging rare experiences that when managed well yield to tremendous trust-building with employees. When employees trust their leaders and feel like their leaders care about their personal and professional well-being, employees are more motivated to meet role expectations.
When leaders ignore creating space to acknowledge traumatic social events, employees feel less included and may experience feeling a lack of belonging. This can be difficult for a leader to redeem themselves. When employees feel ignored or excluded by leaders, employee disengagement grows. Leaders can mitigate disengagement in these scenarios by simply checking-in with employees. Naming traumatic experiences may be uncomfortable, but the consequences of ignoring employees may be worse.
While I remain disappointed with each white leader who ignores my well-being in these scenarios, I believe it is imperative for all leaders to create space for safe, brave, inclusive conversations for employees to process traumatic social issues so that they feel like they belong and are valued within their organization, leaving employees feeling like they are not leading alone.
